Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
