His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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