my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
