How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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