My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
