i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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