Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
bring money and cleavage
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
