when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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