the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
