OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
