your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
