remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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