Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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