Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
