Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
