That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
