I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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