I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
