i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize