Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
