i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
