i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
