I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
