I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
