I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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