I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
