She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
