A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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