Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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