The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
