puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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