I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
