no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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