All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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