I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
