I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
