My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
