we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
