I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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