There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
