i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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