Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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