She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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