Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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