Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
