I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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