just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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