I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
