We're like a lot better than the average bears
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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