can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
