Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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