i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
