You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
