If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
