I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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