11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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