Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
