a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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