ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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