i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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