i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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