from now on my penis is your penis
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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