dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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