Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
