I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just gargled with NyQuil
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
