YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize