hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
