I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He better not be in your backpack
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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