If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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