i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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