i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
