You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
