just come out here and I will go home with you...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize