I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
