I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
