Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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