We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize