Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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