I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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