Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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