im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
