You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
