I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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