He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
