I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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