You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
