I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
