You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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