If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
