Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
