Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
please come you make the beer taste better
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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