Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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